The night was very still and the dark skies were painted with sparkling stars. As I stood and star gazed, I spotted a big dipper vividly beaming among the mystical night skies.
After being gone for a year and a half in Korea, I revisited my hometown recently. As I shortly returned to a small town where I was once raised, I encountered the familiar faces, smiles and surroundings again. I spent a lot of my time with my family and my old friends. From sharing laughter, to memories from yesterday, to stories from their present lives, I could see the subtle changes that were present in all of my friends. We were all growing up, and leading separate lives of our own. Some were in the process of becoming doctors, some were planning to settle down within a year or two, and some already settled down with a family of their own.
Suddenly, it made me smile to just think how fast we were all growing up; it seemed as if it was just the other day when we were all little minions in junior high talking about where we’ll go, and who we’ll marry, and talking as if we were definite on what holds our future. As I sat and pondered on my life now, I laughed and casually told my friends that I guess it’s time for me to start my life too. Yet unknowingly, a friend of mine held my hand and said, “Look at me Ai, girl, you are already starting your life.”
For the most part, most of us like to have a clear, if not, at least some sort of direction on where we need to go in our lives. Personally, it was highly essential for me to know where I’m going and what I needed to do with my life. I needed a direction, a path, and purpose in order to live my life fully. Yet, looking back to the days where I planned out my life on where I needed to be and what I had to do by the time I reach 24, nothing correlated to what was originally planned. The risks I’ve taken, the stops I made were definitely not part of the plan, but surprisingly I’m savoring each and every moment and minute of it.
Sometimes in our lives, we always hesitate to make certain decisions in fear of what will happen in the future. We fear to make the risks, something which our heart urges us to do. The uncertainty of not knowing sometimes isn’t always necessarily easy, but how do we know if we don’t take that chance, the risk? Sure, we’re putting in the chances of getting hurt, and perhaps not even succeeding at the first attempt. Yet, I like to think of it as taking a chance to leap through that door of opportunity, which leads us to a new path and eventually into somewhere and something that was originally meant to be- all coordinated and planned by God. Sometimes believing in the unknown and without having any rationalizations would be something that is essential for our faith. Faith, at times, is simply believing in the unknown; it is “having an attitude of openness and trust towards God.”
Tonight, I was in awe with how bright the stars and the vigilant big dipper were shimmering tonight. I thought about how we are all walking through this life not knowing what will lie ahead of us. It seems exciting and a little scary, yet at the same time thinking that God will provide what he wills simply is profound beyond words. Just as the big dipper once guided Harriet Tubman and the people to the North Star and to freedom, I believe our heavenly father will also guide us to where we essentially need to be as well. Don’t be afraid.
With much love,